Gratitude Post, Part 1

As part of what I’m dubbing my mental wellness journey, it was recommended that I keep a daily gratitude journal. Retraining yourself to notice positivity is one of the keys to emotional intelligence, and as someone who’s always been drawn to the glass half empty, pessimistic side, it’s been an interesting challenge.

And a challenge it has been. Some days, I had to force myself, because even though I didn’t want to/couldn’t think of anything/insert excuse here, I know how important it is to just do the damn thing, whatever that thing may be. Much like with exercise, something is better than nothing. Starting somewhere, anywhere, is often enough to push through the initial block and keep going.

Some days, I didn’t even try to force myself. These are the days I felt torn; on the one hand, I berated myself for being a failure. On the other, I tried to tell myself that it’s ok to allow for a break. I haven’t gotten one in over a year, and I shouldn’t wait for someone else to grant it for me.

The Break

So I gave myself the summer – or at least the last few weeks of it. I may not have been able to go anywhere, but a mental break can be just as beneficial. I stopped the negative self-talk and tried to, if not tell myself niceties, at least keep my mouth shut.

Now, all of a sudden, it’s September. For being the longest year in history and dragging on (and on and on), how is it almost over? Realizing that we’re in the home stretch of 2020 has shown, time and again, that there’s no more time to waste.

For me, that means doing more of what I actually care about. Teaching myself things that will be beneficial to my future, because it’s coming whether or not I rise to greet it.

That means writing more, even when I don’t know what to say. It means finishing things I start, even if they’re not perfect. It means documenting my journey, which may help someone else along theirs.

I meant to post this yesterday (new month, new habits), but it wasn’t even fully written. After the conclusion of the mundane daily grind, the pull of my freshly-made bed was too strong.

Plus, I had no idea what I wanted to say.

For inspiration’s sake, I looked through my August drafts, when I came across below:

I meant to write and post this a week ago, but time got away from me as it so often does, and the best laid plans blah blah blah

… and I can already feel the good feelings slipping away. of course, when they happened, right when I was in the throes of them, they were so strong and wonderful. and that’s why I wanted to write about them, in the moment.

so that when the feeling started to fade like it has, slowly but steadily, over the last week, like it has today, like right now, I can go back and read it and hopefully grasp that again and recapture the feeling. because despite what I have convinced myself, I do deserve to feel happiness

How I wish that I had written about those good feelings in any detail, because at this point, I have no idea what they were. And I have no way to recall them.

So instead, today’s post will be 3 good things that I do remember from the last month. Hopefully, next month (or tomorrow), when I need the reminder, it will be right here.

The List

Good things that happened in August

1. 1. One of my top 3 favorite musical artists started following me on instagram. While I’m recounting good things, he’s also previously gone out of his way to send me a message on facebook (we’re ‘friends’), wishing me a happy new year. Another time, he sent me some unreleased tracks to listen to and asked for my opinion.
      
      I remember being so blissfully happy, thinking, “is this real life?”
      
      And the answer was an emphatic yes.
      
      
   2. Another (toy designer) artist I follow asked for help proofreading his new book, which I was happy to volunteer for because I love that kind of work. He seemed impressed enough with the results to send me a very generous care package, and also impressed enough to ask if I’d have time to proof another book.
      
      Yes, Mr. Jones. I am more than happy to help out, and will make the time to do so.
      
      
   3. My amazing friend brought me Lysol spray. If you know me, you know that, especially now, this is the key to my heart. I haven’t been able to find any, online or in stores, since early March. And here is someone who gets me, who went out of their way for me, and who values me, simply for being me.

So there they are. Three seemingly simple events that occurred last month that left enough of an impression so that, weeks later, I’m still smiling. These are the things I need to remember. These are the things I need to focus on – the good that occurs, even in the middle of hell.