New Year, Same Me

Every year, people around the globe celebrate – with the best of intentions – what is really just another day. So many resolutions! “New year, new me!” they exclaim, as if they needed to wait for this event to make a change.

Well, new year, same me. Except I’m not at all the same.

One year ago, a lot of people were hoping that 2021 would be more reminiscent of 2019 than 2020… we blinked, and it’s 2022 (hopefully not 2020, too).

A few years back, I decided to have a theme, instead of making resolutions.

Last year, the only thing I wanted was a new job.

And I’m pleased to say that happened, but at a price. My head still has trouble wrapping around everything that happened over the last 365 days, because some of it involves things you never think it will happen to you.

10 months post op, and I’m still healing. It’s so frustrating, because I look fine, so people think I am fine. Most of the lingering issues are internal, and it’s still so odd to me that one year ago, internal equaled mental health, whereas now, it’s physical. Both are invisible, and because it’s not so in-your-face, people don’t really think about it. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ really applies here.

I, of course, think about it every day. I can’t escape it, and have to learn to live with it. There’s still about another year of healing to know where I’m likely to end up. I can only hope that it’s closer to where I was before this started.

The pandemic hasn’t helped.

Going into junior year of the pandemic that upended life around the globe has been a super-fun, once-in-a-lifetime experience that I sincerely wish hadn’t happened in my lifetime.

Even now, when I hear people say things like, are you gonna be afraid of a tiny virus? I think to myself, do you know who you’re talking to? I’ve been afraid of germs since I was 16. I’m not about to stop now that there is logic to dictate otherwise.

I’m ready for the endemic phase to begin: where it never ends and simply becomes emic. At least when things level, I’ll be able to adapt and adjust. That’s so hard to do when everything changes almost daily.

But that’s what I learned last year. Life changes so suddenly. Roll with the punches, and all that jazz. I know I’m getting older because I reminisce about “the good old days”. Yet I feel like I haven’t truly learned the lessons it’s trying to teach me: Live in the now. Do what makes you happy – especially if it’s moral and legal.

Things don’t have to be perfect to be good. Pay attention to what you have. Focus on the little things. Somehow, stop getting overwhelmed, take a step back, and look at the bigger picture. Somehow, get out of your own head to see things more clearly, or at least from a different perspective.

Cheers to 2022. Let’s see what’s in store.