Out with the Old, In with the New

Seems like this is the year where everyone is doing these In and Out lists… once reserved for magazines and blogs, people are now using it as a way of making resolutions without actually saying that word, maybe tricking themselves into keeping with it for longer than one month.

I have resolutions too, but it’s not so much “new year, new me,” but rather, becoming the me I want to be and, for whatever reason, don’t allow myself to be.

I overanalyze everything. And unfortunately, that means I rarely act, because I’m too busy thinking through every possible scenario, outcome, and reaction. The reality in my head has become my actual reality, and it is just… so… exhausting. Too paralyzed to act. Too drained to act. Completely burnt out.

Everything I want to do, before I actually do it, is met with thoughts of how it could be perceived, even though other’s thoughts and reactions say more about them then me.

If I post to social media, am I narcissistic?

If I share what I’ve made, is it bragging?

‘They’re not perfect,’ says the negative voice of doubt in my head.

‘You did it,’ says the voice of reason, a bit of proudness buried deep inside.

I think my main resolution is to do things for myself. Stop caring about everyone else, because I care about them at my own expense (and the chances that they care back are slim to none. As I was informed, they probably don’t think about me at all. Which should really ease my mind).

Posting to social media is just my way of holding myself accountable, so I should do it more.

Additionally, STOP thinking there’s a “right” way (or time) to do something. The right way, or the right time, is whenever it actually gets done. It doesn’t, or at least shouldn’t, matter how anyone else would accomplish it.

I’ve spent the last week writing, writing, writing. It’s been one increasingly long entry, ranging from shower thoughts, to resolutions, to items to add to my To Do list (some of which I actually did, which, yes, I want to brag about).

Overall, the baseline is simply becoming a person I can be happy with. Some of it is serious (stop overanalyzing), some of it is practical (wear what’s in my closet, even if it means getting all dolled up for work, or the grocery store), some of it is silly and fun (eat as many different shapes of pasta as possible).

Write and post more. Admit who, and where, I am in life. Embrace the cringe (literally, I’m cringing right now just putting this here), so I can get better and have less of it in the future. Use the tools at my disposal to hold myself accountable, and to give myself credit by seeing where I started and where I end up.

Happy and healthy New Year to all that made it this far.