Life
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Make Way For May
Ever have a day with an insurmountable to do list, and instead of checking anything off of it, you take a nap? Rest. Self-care. Relaxation. In a state of almost meditation. This was my Sunday. Fitting for Mental Health Awareness month. There’s so much to do, to reflect on, and to push forward with, this month and always. It’s been awhile since I’ve written, and I think it’s because I haven’t wanted to be alone with my thoughts. Over the last three months, I took myself out of my comfort zone (a.k.a. home) by leaving it. Road trip to NC. Brunch with the girls. Axe throwing. A NYC excursion (food and…
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New Year, Same Me
Every year, people around the globe celebrate – with the best of intentions – what is really just another day. So many resolutions! “New year, new me!” they exclaim, as if they needed to wait for this event to make a change. Well, new year, same me. Except I’m not at all the same. One year ago, a lot of people were hoping that 2021 would be more reminiscent of 2019 than 2020… we blinked, and it’s 2022 (hopefully not 2020, too). A few years back, I decided to have a theme, instead of making resolutions. Last year, the only thing I wanted was a new job. And I’m pleased…
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Don’t Settle for Acceptable, Strive for More
Please read Part 1, here, and Part 2, here. I had quit one job to focus on my health and recovery. But time off could only last for so long. I had come across another job that ticked some boxes, but the further along in the interview process I got, the more boxes it checked. While it was currently remote, the office was local. A convenient commute for whenever the time comes to return to in-person work (and NO MORE commuting to NYC! I don’t think I realized how much of a toll that took until I stopped doing it). After three separate interviews with different team members, I liked them all. They…
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The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions
Please read Part 1, here. I had needed a break, and I was handed one. Now, I just needed to use the opportunity. And then, something serendipitous happened. I found my dream job, at my dream company. What were the odds? I worked to revamp my resume, wrote a cover letter, and mailed it off first thing one morning. Within hours, an interview had been set up. It went well and checked all the boxes: interesting work, nice people, and I absolutely loved the product. Leaving the office, I felt really good. It was the first time in months. Around the same time, I had an interview with another company, doing work similar…
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Lucky 13
If there was ever a year to test us, this was it. Between the effects of 2020 still lingering, my surgeries and diagnosis, two family deaths in the past two months, and the general ups and downs of life, this really was a make-or-break year. This was the year that showed me, again, that life is better together. I say again because throughout our 13 years, I’ve felt this way over and over. I said before that you were the human love of my life, and I still believe that. We are on the same wavelength. So often, we think the same things, reference the same quotes, or follow the…
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In Remembrance
Feisty, fiery, full of life. These are just some of the words to describe my grandma. She was always so vivacious and active. Even as the years passed, I never thought of her as getting older. She was just Grandma. “90 years young,” was often said, and it reflects her spirit up until the end. One of my favorite photos is of me and my cousin Josh when we’re little, taken outside of Friendly’s, right after going to see Sesame Street Live with Grandma and Grandpa. She loved to regale the tale of how, while eating our meals, she’d turn to me and say, “Amanda, chew! Chew! Eat faster!”and then…
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Recovery and Reflection
The last few months have been largely about recovery and reflection, neither of which seem to be going the way I would have hoped. Recovery: Slow healing is better than no healing, but it’s still frustrating. To lose everything in an instant, one would hope the reverse would also be true. Instead, it’s a long, slow climb to get back to where things were. And of course, since it’s still in “the early stages”, there’s no guarantee things will go back. It’s been five months, which feels like forever. But that’s not even 25% of the timeline given. It’s so hard to not feel negative emotions. Anger, sadness, frustration. The…
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Change Is Constant, Yet Things Remain The Same
Recently, it came to light that certain creators recycle their content. I couldn’t figure out why, until now, because I’m about to do the same thing. It’s been 8 weeks since my surgeries. Has there been one day since then that I haven’t cried? This week, one of my doctors told me that after 6-7 weeks, he doesn’t think I’ll regain feeling. Another doctor told me it would take between 3-6 months. No one really knows what they’re talking about, do they? The art of science…. Trying to recover, both physically and mentally, has been draining. Thinking about all of the things I would do if/when, makes me feel bad…
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The Month of March, Part 2
Please read Part 1, here. There were complications. Following the directions of my neurosurgeon, I went back to the ER. After some quick x-rays, I was re-admitted to the hospital. I was put in the same room, in the same bed with a view of the outside world. I don’t know if that was done on purpose, or if things just worked out that way, but it was a nice coincidence. The same nurse who was there when I was discharged was there when I was brought back. He remembered me. I would spend the next 8 days in that room that I would come to loathe. The first stay…
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The Month of March, Part 1
Spring is the season of new beginnings and I suppose, in a way, this is a new beginning; albeit not the one I had envisioned or hoped for. It was the middle of the night when I decided to go to the emergency room. In my sleepy daze, I debated going right then, since I figured it wouldn’t be too busy. But I was exhausted, so I decided to finish out the night in my own bed and go first thing in the morning. It was the last night I would sleep in my own bed for days. I googled my symptoms, and came up with “a rare disorder that…